Yesterday was not a good day.

Looking back, there have been several not so good days.

Days can be hard.

I do not want good days to just be on birthdays, holidays, and vacations.

I did not expect this stage of adulthood to be so tough. I have had periods in my life where I struggled to figure out who I was, how to be, or how to change. I seem to always be working on some inner quality to better myself, and I am tired of it. And I once got there, I was confident and happy. In the past recent years events have happened out of my control that have had huge effects on my emotions. I want to go back to being confident, life being easy, and to just be, without the work. I now understand how the job of a parent is the most difficult thing you will ever do. Babies were anticipated, cute, lovely, and I knew what to do. Toddlers and preschoolers were right up my alley. Since a bit of stubborn, feistiness, attitude, and orneriness has entered our life with a fierce entrance and a constant presence, I am a bit worn down. Consistency is the answer, but man do I have to be vigilant in offering that consistency. I have a never ending list of things to do from sun up to sun down, and when the sun has set the list is not done and I could always do more. I feel like I cannot complete anything, which causes me to shut down and do nothing. Add a part-time career that carries with it huge responsibilities, and I feel even more stretched.

And to top it off, I feel alone and a bit lonely. Time commitments and priorities have drastically shifted leaving little time for me. That has huge effects on personal relationships. I do believe with the invention of wonderful technology, I am noticing a lack of direct contact. And again, with not so good days, little time, the feeling that I cannot do anything right or well, I sort of am, well . . . down.